It's true. It never ends.

Things have been very busy the past few weeks. And by busy, I mean that the clock has been literally crammed up my ass and using its arms to puppeteer mine.

Let me break this shit down.

Thursday, I had my first committee meeting. Holy fucking shit does it take some acrobatics and persistence to get four extremely busy people to agree on a time to sit in a room. My boss - by far the busiest of all due to her administrative duties - took one for the team and missed something important to go to this meeting. Man, she is the best.

Back in August, when I did my defense, I proposed a big stinking impossible pile of shit that I knew was a piece of shit. They all expressed doubt, but let me proceed. In the months since, I came to the conclusion that they were right. It was, in fact, far shittier and impossible than I had imagined. So I started a new project.

The boss then gave me one week to write a revised proposal. Two days later, she asked me to review a paper for a big journal. And I have to give a departmental seminar in two weeks. FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU!

The knife just kinda sat there, twisting slowly in the gaping wound around my liver.

Anyway, I got it all done. Although I felt thoroughly prepared, I was slightly nervous about my committee meeting. Dr. Impossible Questions didn't show up, we were in a shitty, tiny room that was awkward for presentations, but I went ahead and started my presentation.

It is a wonderful feeling to take a swing and feel like you hit it out of the motherfucking park - and that's what it felt like during the presentation. I'm a perfectionist. I wish I wasn't, but I am. I always want to be the best that I can possibly be, because why do something if you're not going to do it all the way? And man, this was the first time I have ever been perfectly satisfied with one of my presentations. They told me they wish they could bottle up my enthusiasm and distribute it to the other grad students, and that I've set the bar higher for what they expect. Holy fuck man, I was fucking proud of myself. Even better, I let myself be proud of myself. It felt so amazing.

I'm not trying to boast here or anything. Things have been going great in the lab, but I've still felt in limbo. Am I a real scientist? How much longer do I have to go? Do I have what it takes - the ideas, the balls, the luck - to be one of the guys that everyone knows? Will I ever feel competent enough? I don't know. But I do know that I fucking nailed my committee meeting, and I'm one step closer. All the hard work is actually starting to pay off.

I wish I could bottle this feeling up and give it to all the nameless faces fighting the good fight along with me. But since I can't, I will tip back a few beers for everyone who needs a boost after this long winter. The spring is coming. I promise.