Self-loathing

I'm applying to graduate school this year.

Again.

Applying to graduate school is a soul-sucking process which I thought I would only have to endure once. Unfortunately, I was an asshole and only applied to schools that either a) kinda wanted me or b) laughed at my application. It was joyous.

Now I am at it again. So, what have I learned? Nothing.

Example:

I want to write my personal statment. A summary of advice is as follows:

1) Write about your science, but don't exclusively concentrate on your science.
2) Be confident, but not too confident.
3) Tell a story, but be short about it.
4) Get to the point, but keep it in essay format with intro and conclusion, making sure the whole thing flows and comes back to an original point.

Fuck's sake. What it boils down to is some people will like what you wrote, others will hate it, and that's it. I wrote something that is less than five hundred words and completely arrogant. I think I'm screwed.

There is a knot in my stomach that won't go away. When did it become so fashionable to get your PhD? I don't know.

Fuck.