Finals

So I'm in finals week.

This semester has been horrible. At first, I thought that the classes were too easy - and they were, in a sense. For instance, I have covered DNA transcription in no less than four courses. But I had to cover it again here in the Biochemistry course at the University of Hell. By this point, transcription is easy. Somehow, though, I ended up with Ds on all of my exams. Ds! Me!

I've been panicking since that second D, thinking that I would have to take this class over again. There is absolutely no way on earth that I could do that. I am done emotionally. I am filled with rage at the condescending manner in which the professor speaks to me and the other students, at the level that the material is covered, but most of all because all the exams are multiple choice.

I seriously think I would have transferred had I failed. But then, I probably wouldn't have been able to transfer if I failed. Fuck me, I cannot wait to get these dumb classes over with and continue on with the real reason that I came to graduate school - to do fucking science, man!

I have three more finals left, none of which pertains to anything that I am now doing in the lab or anything in which I am remotely interested. I have no motivation. I am probably going to end up on academic probation.

But I am back in my home lab now, and much happier for it. My overall mood is improved, my experiments are working, and I'm writing my paper. I have to say, it is really strange to think that these pictures of blot membranes and graphs that I quickly put together so as not to be late for lab meeting will one day be in print. It's bizarre. My shitty little science might actually mean something.

Maybe this is all worth it after all.