Grad School Interviews

Ok. I'm all done with interviews. The horror that is grad school interview weekend is over.

Here's the deal: I fucking hate interviews. Hate! I am absolutely a jeans person. Jeans do not fit in to interviews. Whenever I have to get all dressed up for this dumb shit, I feel like I look exactly like an animal that has been dressed in human clothes. I am pissed off and uncomfortable. I want to torch my damn suit.

In order to spread this misery out over the maximum amount of time possible, the typical interview weekend went as such:

Day 1 (Th) - Arrive in the evening. Dinner with grad students. Ask lots of questions so you can appear interested.
Day 2 (F) - Wake up ass early to for interview day. Wear suit. Start at 8 or 9 am. Interview with 4-5 people and have the exact same conversation over and over. Lunch and dinner with grad students. Keep asking questions.
Day 3 (Sa) - Start a little later. Still dress nice, even though the host students and faculty are all in jeans. Tour campus. Tour student housing. Lunch and dinner with students. Try to find questions to ask so there is some conversation. Usually, some type of party where you will get drunk. Don't get too drunk.
Day 4 (Su) - Get the hell out.

By the time I get to interviews, I have exhaustively researched these schools and programs. It's hard for me to come up with stuff to ask the students, especially if the schools are in the area. The typical questions I asked the students are:

1. What are the qualification exams like?
2. Can you live on the stipend you get?
3. How did you find your housing?
4. To what other schools did you apply?
5. What made you choose this program?
6. Is there anything you would change about the program?
7. Are there any funding issues?

The faculty interviews ranged from awesome to sweat-inducing. Some were trying to recruit me. Others were clearly trying to suss me out. I tried to remember their questions, but I have only been able to recall the following:

1. Tell me about your project (the most important one, interjected with questions)
2. Why do you want to come to this school/program?
3. What are your future goals?
4. What do I need to know about you?

Some of them asked me incredibly detailed questions about my project. Others asked me how to describe the experiments that led to figuring out my background info. I thought that bit was stupid and uncalled for, because I don't have my fucking PhD yet or anything, but what the fuck ever. Gotta be prepared.

Also, one guy asked me what I did in my spare time and I completely froze. I mean, I couldn't answer the damn question. Spare time? What is that? Remember that you're a person, with feelings and stuff, so just be yourself.

After this horror, I asked my interviewers:

1. What is the typical time to graduation?
2. What types of positions do students take after graduation? Where?
3. How are projects assigned?
4. Do you have pet projects, or can a student get creative and pick their own?
5. How many students have you mentored?
6. Why did you choose to come to this institution?
7. Are there any funding issues?
8. How much time do you have to interact with your students?
9. Do you write the papers in the lab, or do the students/postdocs write them?
10. On average, how many papers do your students have by the time they graduate?
11. What characteristics would your "perfect student" have?

Things you should know before you go:

1. Stipend, fees, tuition, and all financial matters.
2. Curriculum (i.e., do you want to spend one or two years taking classes?).
3. Teaching requirements, if any.
4. Rotation scheme.
5. Where/when your interviewers have published. Have a good idea what they do.

I'm sure there is something I've left out. I've tried to block the process from my memory.

A few people that I talked to absolutely loved interviewing. They said that they had some really great times. Ok, I had one good evening at a faculty dinner. But for the most part, I wanted to kill myself nearly the entire time. It's absolutely exhausting to be on for that long. It is also horrid to curb my rampant swearing for an entire weekend.

So I have a decision to make. I must choose the place where I will be least miserable. That will be a feat in itself.

On schmoozing

With one interview weekend down, I am a bit discouraged by the fact that I am absolutely sick of talking about my research. Sick!

Lucky me, I get to go through interviews again. Some people with whom I have spoken told me that interview weekends were some really great times. I mean, you get a free trip, the students always take you out and get you drunk at least once, and of course you get some free food out of it as well. How could this possibly be bad, right?

Well, I am an asshole. I like to set impossible goals for myself. Therefore, I apply to really tough schools that aren't so much trying to recruit - they are, in fact, trying to weed us out one by one. Slowly. Painfully.

The interview at my number 1 choice was this weekend, which of course meant it had to be first. It was fucking cram packed full of shit to do, and most of it involved interacting with faculty in some capacity. On top of that, I had to interview with five different professors. Ugh.

This meant that, one right after another, I had five nearly identical conversations - during which time each person took extensive notes. They squinted at me, studying me carefully as I talked, picking holes in my research to date. It's a horrible dance that always proceeds in the exact same manner where you are scrutinized from the moment you walk in the door, through dinner and faculty lunches, until you are taken, drunk and tired, to your hotel room.

Somehow, at dinner, I always get stuck sitting next to the department chair. It fucking sucks. He or she is typically in charge of admissions, and by the dinner I'm usually fantasizing about going home and sobbing uncontrollably and in no mood to turn up the charm. But there I am, in another fucking interview. It is worse than the worst of my worst dates.

So I am tired of talking about my research, since everyone is boring and can only talk about what shitty little thing he or she is studying. I am tired of asking questions and clearly getting evasive answers. And I am really fucking tired of wearing a suit.

I have five more weekends like this. Then at the end of the month, I had to schedule some interviews in the middle of the fucking week. This means that for 8 days straight, I will be wearing a suit, talking about my research, and asking the same questions over and over and over and over.

There is no wine that could possibly dilute my horror. I can't wait for it all to end.

Interviewing

So, it turns out I was all freaked out for nothing. I was asked to interview at every program to which I applied. I am heading out for the first one next weekend.

I've asked people exhaustively about how I should best prepare. No one really can say for sure. So I've come up with the following:

1. Be able to talk about your project in detail. Be able to give a general overview, kinda like an abstract, but then talk individually about specific findings. I'm preparing a powerpoint presentation. It is important that I say some people will not like that, so say you have it during the interview, but only take it out if they want to see it. Being able to talk about your project without visual aids - and have them understand - is the most important.

2. Know what the people are doing. Have questions prepared.

This is really all I've been given. I hope it all works out. Otherwise, I am totally fucked.