Grad School Interviews

Ok. I'm all done with interviews. The horror that is grad school interview weekend is over.

Here's the deal: I fucking hate interviews. Hate! I am absolutely a jeans person. Jeans do not fit in to interviews. Whenever I have to get all dressed up for this dumb shit, I feel like I look exactly like an animal that has been dressed in human clothes. I am pissed off and uncomfortable. I want to torch my damn suit.

In order to spread this misery out over the maximum amount of time possible, the typical interview weekend went as such:

Day 1 (Th) - Arrive in the evening. Dinner with grad students. Ask lots of questions so you can appear interested.
Day 2 (F) - Wake up ass early to for interview day. Wear suit. Start at 8 or 9 am. Interview with 4-5 people and have the exact same conversation over and over. Lunch and dinner with grad students. Keep asking questions.
Day 3 (Sa) - Start a little later. Still dress nice, even though the host students and faculty are all in jeans. Tour campus. Tour student housing. Lunch and dinner with students. Try to find questions to ask so there is some conversation. Usually, some type of party where you will get drunk. Don't get too drunk.
Day 4 (Su) - Get the hell out.

By the time I get to interviews, I have exhaustively researched these schools and programs. It's hard for me to come up with stuff to ask the students, especially if the schools are in the area. The typical questions I asked the students are:

1. What are the qualification exams like?
2. Can you live on the stipend you get?
3. How did you find your housing?
4. To what other schools did you apply?
5. What made you choose this program?
6. Is there anything you would change about the program?
7. Are there any funding issues?

The faculty interviews ranged from awesome to sweat-inducing. Some were trying to recruit me. Others were clearly trying to suss me out. I tried to remember their questions, but I have only been able to recall the following:

1. Tell me about your project (the most important one, interjected with questions)
2. Why do you want to come to this school/program?
3. What are your future goals?
4. What do I need to know about you?

Some of them asked me incredibly detailed questions about my project. Others asked me how to describe the experiments that led to figuring out my background info. I thought that bit was stupid and uncalled for, because I don't have my fucking PhD yet or anything, but what the fuck ever. Gotta be prepared.

Also, one guy asked me what I did in my spare time and I completely froze. I mean, I couldn't answer the damn question. Spare time? What is that? Remember that you're a person, with feelings and stuff, so just be yourself.

After this horror, I asked my interviewers:

1. What is the typical time to graduation?
2. What types of positions do students take after graduation? Where?
3. How are projects assigned?
4. Do you have pet projects, or can a student get creative and pick their own?
5. How many students have you mentored?
6. Why did you choose to come to this institution?
7. Are there any funding issues?
8. How much time do you have to interact with your students?
9. Do you write the papers in the lab, or do the students/postdocs write them?
10. On average, how many papers do your students have by the time they graduate?
11. What characteristics would your "perfect student" have?

Things you should know before you go:

1. Stipend, fees, tuition, and all financial matters.
2. Curriculum (i.e., do you want to spend one or two years taking classes?).
3. Teaching requirements, if any.
4. Rotation scheme.
5. Where/when your interviewers have published. Have a good idea what they do.

I'm sure there is something I've left out. I've tried to block the process from my memory.

A few people that I talked to absolutely loved interviewing. They said that they had some really great times. Ok, I had one good evening at a faculty dinner. But for the most part, I wanted to kill myself nearly the entire time. It's absolutely exhausting to be on for that long. It is also horrid to curb my rampant swearing for an entire weekend.

So I have a decision to make. I must choose the place where I will be least miserable. That will be a feat in itself.